Crucified Hearts

Life is a battle and a march. At times we are able to make camp in peace, then another day begins. Every day brings new challenges, confrontations, and temptations, some within ourselves and some with others, fears within and fighting without. Every day is a challenge to our trust and obedience toward God. Every day is a challenge to love others with the same grace God has given us in the sacrifice of His Son for our sins. It is often a struggle to love ourselves as God does. If and when we fail we can be caught in bitterness, in resentment for not having our way. We may go quiet in a pouting self-justification or lash out with anger and contempt, such as I did yesterday. Underneath my bitterness I see a resentment toward God for not delivering me from my enemy, for not answering my prayer, for making me endure injustice day in and day out by an enemy I cannot escape.

I now read the cries and complaints of the Psalmist in a more personal way. I ask the same questions of God and make the same laments, feel the same fears and frustrations, even demanding answers when God is silent, when he does not act to defeat my enemy. In hope, I also arrive at the same faith and praise for Him, even in the face of my coming death.

Psalm 13 is just one of many laments, most of which come to some resolution of faith and praise toward God. Psalm 88 is the darkest of Psalms, where the only sign of hope is that the Psalmist is praying to “the God of my salvation”. But it ends by saying darkness is my only companion as he waits for death. Thankfully, we have the message of Psalm 89 that follows with hope and thanksgiving.

I’ll give you both Psalms here for comparison, to study, to learn what God is doing in your own life and why.

Psalm 13
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,\
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 88
O LORD, God of my salvation,
I cry out day and night before you.
2 Let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry!
3 For my soul is full of troubles,
and my life draws near to Sheol.
4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am a man who has no strength,
5 like one set loose among the dead,
like the slain that lie in the grave,
like those whom you remember no more,
for they are cut off from your hand.
6 You have put me in the depths of the pit,
in the regions dark and deep.
7 Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
and you overwhelm me with all your waves. Selah
8 You have caused my companions to shun me;
you have made me a horror to them.
I am shut in so that I cannot escape;
9 my eye grows dim through sorrow.
Every day I call upon you, O LORD;
I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you work wonders for the dead?
Do the departed rise up to praise you? Selah
11 Is your steadfast love declared in the grave,
or your faithfulness in Abaddon?
12 Are your wonders known in the darkness,
or your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?
13 But I, O LORD, cry to you;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 O LORD, why do you cast my soul away?
Why do you hide your face from me?
15 Afflicted and close to death from my youth up,
I suffer your terrors; I am helpless.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your dreadful assaults destroy me.
17 They surround me like a flood all day long;
they close in on me together
18 You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me;
my companions have become darkness.